When I was a child, I played piano in concerts, featured with a bunch of the other local kids and piano teachers from the area. After each of my concerts, a man who was the father of another student around my age would come up to me, shake my hand and say in broken accent, "You were flawless."
The second time I saw him after a concert, he said again, "You were flawless." And a third. "Flawless."
In the beginning I was quite flattered, but after a while I began to think that "flawless" was the only word he knew. So one time after a concert, he came up to me and told me I was "flawless." I said, "No. You're son is flawless."
He said to me, "No. He worse than that. He's terrible."

My Life is Better Than Yours

I just went on a food tour of San Francisco. 16 different restaurants/eateries in 1.5 days.

MLiBTY

Comparisons

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we were stopped by a complete stranger. The stranger turned to me and said, "You look like a smart guy, give me some money and there won't be any trouble." He of course wasn't planning on taking no for an answer. My friend stepped in and said "You're a dumbass" and punched him in the stomach. We went on our merry way while he was collapsed on the ground gasping for air.

MLiBTY

Pogs

I used to be on a swim team back when I was younger. Our coach had the idea that he would buy pogs and give them out as incentives for people who worked hard and won their races. This one kid that I really didn't like, really was gung-ho about winning the pogs. He'd swim hard during practice and rack up all the neat looking pogs. He'd show them off and claim he was the best at pogs on the team. One day at a swim meet, he decided to challenge me to a pog game. In my first flip, I took his five favorite pogs. Then I beat him mercilessly in the races all day and my coach gave me a double-metal pog as a reward. Since he didn't win, he got nothing.

MLiBTY

Whoever said being first in line is awesome

So one time I had to go rent a car so I could go to Las Vegas. I had made a reservation ahead of time for an economy-sized car for $29.99 special rate. When I got to the Enterprise location, there were four customers ahead of me all getting the same economy car deal. The dealer told all of us that there were only four economy-sized cars left, and the four customers in front of me were smiling and relieved that they could still get the deal. After the four of them had signed their contracts and were waiting for the cars, it was my turn. The dealer told me that they were out of economy-sized cars, so they would give me a complimentary free upgrade to a luxury car. I ended up driving out of the lot in a brand-new Audi A4 for the same rate while the other customers stared at their Ford Focus rentals.

MLiBTY

My brother had been playing scrabble all day online. He asked me to play against him. I went first. My first word was FILINGS. Seven letters. Double letter score. 75 points.

He never caught up.

MLiBTY

I had ice cream at Baskin Robbins at 1AM. All you can eat.

MLiBTY

Yesterday, I was riding in the car with my friend on the highway when we came behind an extremely slow van in the fast lane. Common rules of the road would dictate this person move for us, but instead he continued to remain. Driving slowly. Before we could swing into the next lane to pass him up however, a police car cut in between us and turned on his lights to pull the van over. Thank you, policeman.
My Life is Better Than Yours.

I visited Thailand twice within the past summer... and got paid for it. MLiBTY

I don't need to think about where my next meal comes from. MLiBTY

I visited a carnival one time and walked around looking at the games. I stopped at the ring toss -where the objective is to get a ring on a coke bottle- and stood thinking about whether or not I should play. I knew carnival games were sucker bets so I hesitated, watching other players toss away 5, 10, 20 dollars for ring upon ring. I was about to leave when I saw a bucket full of played rings on the counter. The worker was busy shoveling up other rings that fell on the floor and didn't notice that he had left it there. I swiped 3 rings off the top and the first one I tossed landed perfectly. I walked away with a stuffed clown fish bigger than me, and was the envy of other kids everywhere.
My Life is Better Than Yours.

I was on the highway one day where there was road construction going on ahead in one of two lanes; all cars had to merge into one good lane. Almost all cars had already filed into the one lane and were sluggishly waiting in line, but I decided to keep driving on the other lane and passing them until there was no choice but to move over. When I got to the point of merging, a tan sedan to my side refused to let me in by rushing ahead to cut me off. The more I moved, the more he rushed. With him watching me, I accelerated a little more, and he accelerated into the black truck in front of him. I eventually pulled into the good lane and drove off, while the sedan and truck pulled off the highway to exchange insurance information.
My Life is Better Than Yours.

When I was in High School our biology class was assigned to make up a science project. Students researched for 3 weeks to come up with experiments that detailed DNA replication, genetic recombination, and enzyme function. I procrastinated to the last day and b.s'ed something to turn in by buying flies from a store, microwaving them for a couple seconds, and calling it, "Nuking Flies."
My project was featured on the front page of the local newspaper, along with a segment for the evening news. The biology teacher shook my hand the next day and gave me an A.
My Life is Better Than Yours.

I went to Atlantic City and walked up to the craps table. I stood next to a man who had bet a thousand dollars on a number, and I bet 10 dollars on the seven. The next roll I won 10 dollars and watched him cuss out the dice. My Life is Better than Yours.